On Love
I may or may not turn this into an actual essay. But here are my thoughts on love, thanks to a lot of thought and newfound revelation. You see, I once convinced myself that love was about a principle, not a passion. That because feelings change and because ideas don’t, and because we can choose to believe ideas but we cannot choose our feelings, that love could never be passion. But I think I was misguided now. I mean, how can love not involve emotion or passion? Sure, love is a choice (and I think many experience the phenomenon of talking themselves into liking someone) — but do we consciously make this choice? And once the choice is made, can it hope to change? I think the answer is no to the first, but only maybe to the second, because truthfully, there are things that will ruin love.
But how can I positively say something like this? Well, when I am troubled I turn to the bible. In a matter of emotion, in considering whether what I am experiencing is love, I have to address the subject of what love is. So I flip to the go-to verse about love — 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. I hold a special connection with 1 Corinthians 13:13 — I was named after it, as were my siblings. My chinese name means faith, my brother’s means hope, and my sister’s name means love. And of course, the greatest of the three of us is love (my older sister).
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Love isn’t something you can just say. “I love you.” The words mean nothing without more.
2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
You can’t rationalize love and turn it into just an idea, something I have been guilty of for various reasons. Feeling is definitely a part of it. There is a special feeling it gives, something indescribable.
3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
The key to this is that love isn’t necessarily about how much you can sacrifice either — because everything done in love must be done wholeheartedly. Unless a sacrifice is done out of choice, that is, love, it means nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
After addressing what love isn’t, this addresses what love is.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
This verse holds special significance to me. All actions done in love must be honest and truthful, without malice or ill intent. Honesty is the best policy, in short.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
What must happen for love to continue. A loss of trust, hope, or perseverance is deadly when it comes to love.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Love endures even while other things don’t.
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
We divine the future based on what we know, and what we think will happen.
10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
But love, something perfect, makes a lot of what we know irrelevant.
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
In short, “grow up” and see things how they are.
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
This verse tells of a separation between man and God but it can just as easily mean the separation between two distant people. Any communication over distance is but a poor reflection of being able to see face to face. While we are now separated from God, this verse says we will one day be together. While two people may be apart now, they can still find themselves together. And knowing in part is one thing, but a full understanding is a whole other story. Understanding is what makes love most valuable.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
And so, the three things that are vital to a relationship between any two people are faith, hope, and love. But of course, love matters most. And love can exist as long as there is all of those elements. None of those elements can’t be chosen. I mean, you have to choose to be patient, kind, and selfless. And yet, do we do those things out of will, or because we can’t help ourselves? I find that I can’t help myself — at least toward people I love. I exhibit these traits toward my family because I love them — can I help that I do? Still I choose to exhibit these traits (it’s not like I have to, I just do), and so it’s not something we can rationalize. So while we choose, we also don’t. It’s complicated.
And it doesn’t change — even when I am angry with my family I will continue to exhibit these traits. I still trust anyone in the family, even when angry.
I mean, I still trust my friend even if she’s angry at me. And I still hope even if the world tells me it’s not practical.
So that’s love.