Taking finals sucked. I was sick during 3 of them and running on dayquil + monster. A truly lethal combination.

Today: Courier Cafe with Joel / Onur / Karan. Delicous-ass burgers. Coffee shake is to die for. Mutterings of next year’s planned eurotrip. Musings of how we’ll pay for it and what the logistics will look like.

Plans from here on out:
Today: pack and chill and catch up on sleep.
Tomorrow: Head to CFW (Michigan)
Next Saturday: Train ride back to NJ
Saturday after: Flight out to Cali

Begin superazn nerd mode: I did better than I expected on finals! I mean, I did score probably 10 points lower than any combination of KP/Onur/Joel in pretty much every class, but I exceeded my own expectations so hard it was awesome.

CS473: Scored the same-ish as Onur, which makes sense considering we were homework partners. Glad that we probably got around a B. Or at least, hoping that’s the case.

CS440: Scored a 96/180 on the final, which was really close to the average (yeah, it’s a hard class). Ended up with a 78% for total points in the class, so that’s probably a B as well. Great outcome considering I wanted to drop this class so hard just a little while ago.

CS421: Scored around the median on the final, but I’m above the median on the 2 exams and completed all MPs so it’ll be anywhere between a B- and a B+.

CS357: Scored higher than the median on pretty much every exam and completed all MPs with flying colors, so A-. I’m sure getting an A would have been do-able but I never went to class all semester (or at least, I slept in every class) so considering that I think this is a terrific outcome.

CS210: I think I got an A, which requires a 95% in the class. Worst case scenario I get an A-, I really don’t see it being lower than that. That’s 2 credit hours but boy do they help.

So this semester’s GPA is estimated to be a 3.2 (assuming my grade projections are correct). That’s really good considering the classes were so goddamn hard. My overall GPA will probably fall a little. Hopefully it still rounds up to a 3.4-ish. Goal: graduate with a 3.4 or higher. Achievable.

^ Especially considering that I barely went to class this semester, I think I came out hella well. But based on my friends’ grades, I’ve realized that it’s probably worth it to not sleep in class. Next-semester resolutions.

I have a lot of stuff

But lots of good memories here. So many good memories. So much fun. Especially freshman year here on Saunders 4. That was the best.

Too bad that’s all I’m going to give it. Last year was meh and honestly, this year was not great. Let me clarify: academically it was great because I learned so much. Socially it was pretty good because I made some good new friends.

Comfort-wise, it sucked so hard. I’m waiting for my laundry so finna rant. Probably going to make this post private later after reading it and realizing that it’s embarrassingly private. I’ve been known to do that.

Why this year was only aiite

I guess I met a lot of cool people this year, but I feel like I haven’t built any really good friendships with people I haven’t already known. I think I grew to be a lot closer to them main bros (KP, Onur, Joel) thanks to CS struglife, but I seriously underestimated that upperclassman/underclassman gap. I found myself upon many occasions hanging out with gangs of all freshmen thanks to being in PAR, and it was weirdly uncomfortable. (The other weird thing is that half the time it was all girls, because my roommate is pretty much the strangest kind of geek-fab pimp I’ve ever known. I don’t comprehend it. I’m not going to try.) Oh, well I also got to spend a good amount of time with Kev Hsu during the second half of this semester thanks to my hobo ways. (I’m kind of really excited to be neighbors with him next semester. 16 years and I still can’t get rid of this guy )

But anyway, I don’t think I ever really felt like myself in the dorms. I was a little pressured into staying in PAR by Intervarsity, but after the first few months (which went very well) I found myself unable to really relate to all the freshmen surrounding me or to be bothered going about things I’ve already done or had no interest in. Odd disconnect. Doesn’t help that there are only 2 people in my year for IV: one who studied abroad / was pretty much always busy anyway, and my roommate but D&D and videogames pretty much sum up his existence. And at some point I got really really sick of that.

Mostly I grew sick of not being able to work to my potential. I tried getting into a videogame just to bond with my roommate this year, and it kinda sucked and hurt my first semester grades. So I quit it. Story of what IV consistently seems to have done to me…uhgh. Also, I spent on average an hour a day walking to and from classes, which is unacceptable when I need that amount of sleep, or that amount of time to go to the gym for real exercise, or any semblance of life balance. I was forced onto a meal plan that I loathed, the food being both bland and not the same kind of nutritious I’m used to when I cook for myself (organic, whole foods, paleo in general, high veggie, high protein, no sugar). It’s too easy just to up and eat burgers, pizza, sodium-loaded soups, and sugar-loaded cereals, only because they’re the only stomachable things offered.

I read literally one “fun” book all year. I drew only doodles, improved piano only slightly, and failed to achieve stellar grades. I feel pasty and hella fat. For a guy who doesn’t sleep, I certainly have little to show for it beyond survival. The only times I coded for fun were at hackathons, one of which I had to do alone because my hackathon-buddy-for-life Karan had homework to take care of. And it wasn’t fun at all, even though I placed second. (Maybe cuz yahoo is starting to go down the shitter, too. And Paul Tarjan seems to not show up anymore, too. That guy made hackathons fun.)

Maybe I was also more bothered by my roomie than I previously thought. Reflections: I could never concentrate when my roommate was in the room, for so many reasons. I hate our room arrangement, and open curtains when I’m trying to sleep, but I let it be for my roommate cuz he’s my bro. I could never fall asleep because he can’t fall asleep to music but I require it (in previous semesters my roommates never minded). He’s my friend, but I don’t think we were very compatible at all, living-wise. Or value-wise, for that matter. Friends can also dislike aspects of their friends. That’s valid.

I can sum up my feelings gathered from 3 years of dorm life to be thus: college dorm life is inefficient, stymies creativity, encourages sloth via groupthink-induced obstruction of ambition, is unhealthy, is uncomfortable, and is a piece of shit. You will make friends. And you will suck.

That’s why you’re only supposed to do it for 1 year, jackass.

I will prove to myself (just myself, fuck the world) that my complete independence will far better serve my ambitions and my effectiveness as a person.

/Linus Torvalds curt truthing and end of school year resolution

Side note: friends are still good. They’re the only thing that made me stay in PAR and the only thing that made PAR bearable for me. Just not sure the fact that I made hella friends each year offset the loss of my productivity / the things that make me truly happy and content with myself. I learned this semester that at some point too many friends means too many people who need personal time (friendships need maintenance) meaning languishing friendships around the board and utter exhaustion for me. I’m going to stop my depth-bound BFS and begin a DFS of my social graph starting now.

Head isn’t pounding nearly as much anymore but I really hope I can study effectively for 440 and 421 like this. Still really uncomfortable.

Last Friday: 357 exam went well. Out of 50 questions I was unsure on roughly 10 of them, so assuming I get at least a few correct I probably performed average-ish, around 80 give or take. I’m expecting anywhere from a B- to an A- in this class. I think the likely grade is B+. I’m just glad it’s over. El Charro’s with Onur and Karan after the exam — burritos cure sorrow. Truthbomb.

Got locked out of my room because my roomie decided it was a good day to party somewhere. Which is uncharacteristic of him, but these days I don’t think I know him so well anymore so it’s whatevs. I passed out for 4 hours in the hall outside my door, then got up and went to Kev Hsu’s. On the way there picked up another burrito, this time from burrito king. It was terrible. They don’t even wrap them — quite possibly the sloppiest lamest excuse for a burrito ever. But I guess that’s what you need to expect at a place called “Burrito King.” It doesn’t even sound legit. Fell asleep after watching like 6 episodes of Jackie Chan Adventures on netflix.

Weekend: Woke up and went to lunch with Kev at Golden Harbor. Pretty good, though pricey. Studied in ceramics with Kev & Jack, then ordered some shitty pizza for dinner. Eh. Sunday: spent all day in Loomis freaking out for 473. Ordered late night chinese food from some really craptacular place and the dude thought I was ordering for 3. (Yeah, I’ve been eating a lot.) Headed to Karan’s to try to watch Game of Thrones, but it was a fail (they lost their HBO subscription unfortunately) so mostly I just ate 3 strawberry ice cream bars and 2 lemon italian ices. Then I went to bed around 2am and woke around 6am for a solid 4 hours.

Today: Got really sick right around 11am, so headed back to PAR to grab a few bowls of hot soup and a few glasses of OJ. Head still hurt a lot, so I took a hot shower, dried my hair, changed into PJs and went to the exam room about 1 1/2 hours early. Slept on the floor until the exam started, left the exam early without checking my answers because my head hurt so much. The nap really helped because I think prior to that I was so dizzy / fevered I don’t think I could have taken the exam. I got intense and made plays though.

Passed out until 10pm.

It’s 6am now, I’ve been intermittently studying 421. Arguably the easiest of my classes, I’m also most worried about this exam because I really hate the material. It’s really annoying to study. It’s mostly just a lot of work to study it — it’s not actually very hard. I’m also kind of worried for 440 because that class is legitimately very difficult and not well-taught and I haven’t started studying and the exam is 8am on Thursday. But the good news is, I really don’t care what I get in that class and I’m pretty sure I can fail the final and still pass. Or I can aim a little higher on the final and still get around a B, at least that’s what I’m hoping. Either way, I don’t see myself getting lower than a C (worst case scenario, it’d be the second C I’ve ever gotten in my life) and if I do, my GPA will still be above a 3 for the semester which is par for the course. Overall GPA will drop a bit but 1 semester’s not a big deal. I’ve got 2 more to make up for it, and this one was just hard.

Really can’t wait for it to be 11am on Thursday. I’ll be done with finals and probably take a well-deserved 10-12 hour nap. Technically I have a presentation on Friday but I’m sure I’ll pull something out of my ass 3 hours prior.

Lord forgive me for my sins, I’m just tryna win and shit.
…
I’m the type to say a prayer, then go get what I just prayed for

Friday May 4 – CS357. State of readiness: not.
Monday May 7 – CS473. State of readiness: hell to the no.
Wednesday May 9 – CS421. State of readiness: someone shoot me.
Thursday May 10 – CS440. State of readiness: ready to count on the curve.

Study plans:
1. Reading day – Lock self in library learning how to do interpolations and numerical funsies.
2. Friday – Take exam, cry like a little child.
3. Saturday / Sunday – Study 473 like life depended on it.
4. Monday – Take exam, bait some squirrels and feed them poison.
5. Tuesday – Lock self away to watch CS421 problem solving sessions, which incidentally will take 5 hours. Then learn all of the subject. Compilers y u so arcane!?
6. Wednesday – Take exam, have no time to cry and jump right into studying for 440.
7. Wednesday night – all nighter for 440
8. Thursday – final stretch. Take exam, get really raped as usual, hope for the curve as usual.

Apparently this is going to become a thing because I woke up from a nap and it was equally incredible. Though this morning was particularly interesting. Maybe I won’t get a haircut.

Finals week. Today I study 440 and start 357. Tomorrow and Thursday will be mostly 357, and come Friday I will be rid of the hated CS357 from my life, hopefully forever. Except for the fact that Google open-sourced Ceres Solver which makes the subject actually look like it was useful. I still dislike this class material a lot. I do think Professor Gambill has grown on me a lot, and I find it unfortunate that every time I start getting used to / liking a professor’s teaching style the class ends. But such is life.

Still nocturnal as all hell. Slept from 6pm to 10pm today. That’s after waking up around 1pm. So really I’ve been awake for all of 8 hours today. Plenty of time to go before I feel sleepy again.

Yesterday: CS357 review session for over two hours, then headed to KP’s for Game of Thrones and Krispy Kremes and Italian Ice. Then instead of sleeping I headed to Grainger in an attempt to finish 440, but failed miserably and ended up somehow at Sas’s place with Kev and Guo and we all ate pizza and chilled until like early morning. Bed around 7am give or take, woke up kind of cold on the floor. CS210, smallgroup, and selling the computer (which turned out to be a multiple-hour long ordeal because wiping a mac was more annoying than I had previously hoped). Finished 440 just now, fixed my 357 because Onur found something I did wrong, and now I can either go to bed or read a bit. I think I might read — it’s been a while since I’ve done that for fun.

Skype date with super brah Dylan tmrw can’t wait to get back into the bay and have real time to chill with people. School is terrible. On some level it’s my own fault because I don’t need most of the classes I’m going to be taking in order to graduate, and I could have spread these hard classes out more. But on another it’s school’s fault for offering too many things I want to take and not enough time to do it in.

Actually it’s really just my fault. 貪心.

My biggest problem isn’t the writing or even reproducing the tones, it’s that most of the words sound the same to me. Which is to say, distinguishing one word from another in Mandarin depends heavily on phonetic features that my brain is in the habit of discarding as irrelevant. I learned at a young age not to distinguish between “qi” and “chi” or between “shi(2)” and “shi(4)”. As a result, most words feel mentally slippery, like they lack a distinct shape for my brain to grab onto.

Now I feel like a boss cuz my brain distinguishes this stuff.

Not excited for this.